Betwixt and Between

Fund was a monster. She never gave anything to anybody.

When small things were noticed or not noticed, Fund would most often care less about the larger picture that was associated with these small things. She found herself drawn to any person or place by the obscure details and not the vast panorama. Her gift was to see these details and care about them so much that it hurt. She ached with a desire to know the green that made the water. She ached with a distress to know that the green did not make the water. The longer she looked, the less she saw, and the more she wondered about herself.

A world spinning and spinning, Fund stands on the edge of the inlet marked with waving grasses with yellow tufted seedheads. Unwieldy and weighty, the slender stalks bear the heads with the resignation of a servant. This is a world in motion all around Fund as she is fast asleep on her feet day dreaming, she is rigid in her stance – a wide-awake open-eyed living corpse. It must be the salty air on her unblinking eyes that makes pure water flow down the valley of the nose and cheek, making its way past the western inlet of the mouth, over the tiny hill of a chin, finally falling off the edge of the world. Servants lift their heads to the rain of tears and the spinning sky only to taste the salt.

Fund tried to figure out what her purpose was in this world. To her, it is something that is all consuming. You have to take space to think about the next step and assess what you’ve been doing…take a step back. Read what you’ve done and try to make sense of its purpose in the world. Try and understand why you do what you do for the sake of humanity and yourself. But she felt that her purpose might be too small. She enjoyed being appreciated. She enjoyed being hurt and called names. She felt she lost her ability to love or be loved and that space was now filled with the need for deviance and gasoline. Instincts can be right just as well as they can be wrong, so to trusting them is a crap shoot. Nonetheless, she felt this one was it.